So, it turns out that breast cancer really sucks. People are fighting it pretty hard and scientists are trying to figure out how to vanquish it from existence. I used to often wonder why people focused on breast cancer so much more than other cancers, such as bladder or testicular cancers, which we in Junebug have lost loved ones to. Well, it turns out that humanity is closer to figuring out breast cancer than any other form at this point. Heck, they've even gotten pretty close to developing a preventative vaccine for breast cancer. If we as a species can figure out how to cure breast cancer, well that just opens the door to figuring out all those other piece-of-crap cancers. So, pouring money and effort into getting rid of boobies cancer is more important than ever. Seeing as how we in Junebug are four heterosexual men, we are quite concerned about saving the boobies as well, for our own selfish reasons. The fact is everyone can appreciate them. Even my gay male friend Travis thinks boobs are funny sometimes. So we figured we would do something so simple as playing a show in order to join the growing fight against this riduculous plague. Victoria Stromme, a friend of Nick's and a fan of Junebug, is taking part in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure. She gathers pledges and raises cash and walks/runs/jogs/limps/crawls for thirty miles over three days. Seriously. This raises both money and awareness to this excellent cause. As part of her fundraising, Victoria put together a rock show called "Go Pink!" Tiffany Sports Lounge donated the stage (taking no financial cut from the door) and the bands donated their talents as well as merch items. Furthermore, numerous local businesses donated door prizes.
The place was very well decorated for the festivities. There were pink balloons, pink feather boas and pink banners decking the halls. Victoria also provided several pink apparel items for band members to use if they wished. However, we didn't need much augmentation, as is apparent in photos taken tonight. We decided the best way to perform and to show our support was to completely deck out tonight. All of us wore many variations of all pink and white apparel, striking lust in the hearts of all who saw us, and awareness into the minds of the enlightened.
If you've followed Junebug for awhile, then you know that every now and then, a character named Randy shows up to play drums at our shows. He was present at the 2007 10,000 Skates show in Aberdeen, S.D. as well as at the Basilica Block Party in 2009. He looks strikingly like me (tony), but a lot more sleazy, with Elvis sunglasses and a trucker moustache. Rumor has it, Randy is my long-lost brother from Colorado, but others think it's me in disguise. Well, Randy was here tonight, playing drums and cracking wise.
We played a typical set of "bangers" tonight, including a recent addition to our repertoire, "Come Together" by the Beatles. At the very end, I reminded the crowd of the theme tonight, as we sang "Come together right now," I finished it off with,"over boobies."
On "Casanova," we had a fella named Zach from the crowd join us to freestyle. He did a fantastic job soliciting donations to the jar on the stage, shouting, "For the cure! For the cure!" It was a beautiful thing.
After "Casanova," Randy removed his necktie (which was actually a ladies' scarf) and tied it around his head as a headband. "It's getting hot in here," he explained. "It's a fashion statement, too."
After "Bad Mamma Jamma," Anthony told the crowd that this is as good as it's going to get tonight. Then Randy proceeded to take off his suit jacket.
After "Modern Day Fairy Tales" we mixed it up a bit with "Crossroads." This is, as you know, a couple-skate and there were some folks slow dancing. A few drinks were held up in the air and were swaying.
We played a couple more rockin' tunes and Randy asked, "Is it in poor taste to say that we're offering free breast exams ourselves?" He also added a disclaimer that there was no guarantee to the accuracy of the exams. Nick responded that it probably was in poor taste. "I'm gonna go with 'yes,'" he said. "It's in poor taste? Okay, cool. We're offering them." Of all the shows in our history, none seemed more appropriate to revive an oldie of ours called "Breasts." This song was originally played in the Aberdeen / Red Rooster era. It's a song that we wrote as younger men who really desired breasts. "If I had breasts / What a happy world it would be / ... / Women have breasts / Why don't they show them to me?" Anthony said, "Now this song is being used tonight to save breasts. We've come full circle."
In the midst of all the fun and festivities, we took a moment to remember a fallen hero. My friend and yours, Rue McLanahan, one of the stars of The Golden Girls passed away this week. Much like we did when both Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur passed, we commemorated their impacts on us by playing the Golden Girls theme song. Furthermore, I shared some trivia with the crowd. In Season 1 of The Golden Girls, Blanche was two years younger than Sex & the City's Samantha is now. Think about that for a moment. The crowd tonight pondered it deeply. At least that's how I interpreted the stunned silence.
Anthony introduced "Clone You" in the usual way, explaining that if you love someone enough, you might want two of them, which could enhance certain bedroom activities. After thinking about it for a moment, Randy said, "I'd probably do it with myself in that case... I'm just thinkin' out loud." Dustin added that in a case in which there was a cloned woman, then there would be four boobies to save.
We then played "Downtown Liquor Store" and invited the crowd to join us in robbing a liquor store later tonight.
Next came an energetic and high-octane performance of "Sledgehammer," which got us all sweating like hogs. We announced that the next song would be our last of the evening, but there was still time to donate to the cause. Nick said that if you donate $20, Randy will make out with you. Anthony replied that he wasn't sure whether that was encouragement or a deterrent. "One thing it's definitely not," Dustin added, "is a guarantee." Then Randy took off another layer; his button-down pink shirt, leaving a tight pink t-shirt. "Jumpstart My Rocket" blasted into full force.
The song rocked on into the "breakdown section. Then Randy took his t-shirt off, revealing his sweaty, hairy, flabby body. All the women swooned, because Randy is too much man for them to take. Randy continued to rock the drum kit, glistening in his own filthy stink.
When it was all said and done, the night was a success. At the end of the night, Victoria informed me that we had all raised over $1,000 for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For the Cure. That's a show well played and boobies well saved. We went Pink, and we are proud.
